Friday, December 18, 2009

Ho, ho, holy shit!

As if the holidays aren't crazy enough, God just has to add that other element in there...the unexpected. We all expect crowded malls, crazy relatives, and hyper children but no one ever expects the loss of a loved one or a job lay-off. In my case the unexpected apparently involves poop.
Today my daughter called me from the bathroom, "Mama, there's a string in my poop!" Lovely. I thought I was finished looking at her poop when she started wiping her own ass, but I guess not. When I looked in I was horrified. It looked like a 5-inch ribbon was intertwined in her poop. Gross? I know. Immediately I called the doctor. At the appointment they looked her over, then left and came back with what looked like a poop chemistry set. Different vials that I have to mix poop into and take to the lab for testing. Yay! And to top it all off, it has to stay refrigerated. So daughter's turd vial is all nestled in a coffee can, like a little Mr. Hanky, ready to spread holiday cheer right next to my condiments and leftovers.
Hopefully the rest of Christmas is nice, because it can't really get much worse than mixing turds like a mad poop scientist. Happy Holidays! Hopefully they are not as shitty as mine.

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